Coincidence or Destiny?

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What is the Universe trying to tell me? Is it testing me or providing what I have imagined? 

I dreamt of HIM again. I knew we are done, but I wanted to see him so much in reality that I saw him in my dream.  The dream was surreal. He felt warm and was an amazing kisser, just like I remembered it him. I woke up with a smile on my face. Le sigh. 

I was running late for work, but the sun was shinning and the music was playing. I stopped on a red light and took a sip of my freshly squeezed juice. I don’t know why, I looked to my right. I saw an arm in the car right next to me. I pulled forward a bit, because I noticed a tattoo. I looked again, just to peak at a guy with a tattoo on this morning commute to work. NO WAY. NO FUCKING WAY. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!??!?!?!!? My jaw dropped to the ground. I was speechless. It was HIM. Starring at me at disbelief just like I was at him. He smiled and rolled down the window. I did too. He took off his glasses. I looked down behind my glasses, but didn’t take them off.

Hi”, “Hi”, “How are you?” “I am great! I am going to work!”. “Me too,” he replied. I grinned and said “We should ditched the work together.” “Yeah, we should.“…His familiar deep voice. He loud laughter. He’s mischievous eyes….

Suddenly, the red light has turned green and we both waved at each other and drove away. As I was moving forward, I just realized my heart was jumping out of chest and I felt an adrenaline rush.

Breath, breath….I kept driving, but was mostly lost in my thoughts trying to manage my excitement and expectations. Suddenly, I decided I am not going to stop myself from what I want. This wasn’t a coincidence. This was the Universe giving me a sign. And I took it. I haven’t seen him in 6 months for fucking sake. I immediately texted him. He replied back. I hope that next time it won’t be a dream. It will be long awaited REALITY.  

Floating (Time Isn’t Working My Side)

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Portugal. The Man ~ Floating (Time Isn’t Working My Side)

We may not be hopeless
But we’re still helpless in the end
Just remember your floating
Remember the love that we were in

So inconstantly we swim
A time with family and our friends
I know I’m not hopeless
I’m only helpless in the end

I know you love questions
But they go unanswered in the end
Did you forget you’re floating
Did you forget we were only men

We’re getting all our time
Time isn’t working my side

We’re getting all our time
Time isn’t working my side

 

“Ur mad or done with me?”

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Do you ever feel like you are moving forward and are FINALLY free of HIM? And then, he pops up on your phone, again? I keep asking myself a question, why, oh why, do they do that? Do they want to just check in or fuck with your brain? Why can’t they just let it go? And why it is easy for us to not care about some random schmuck and really CARE about this one stupid guy????

The moment I saw his text I knew I am in trouble. This time I have sworn I am DONE with him once and for all. “Ur mad or done with me?“. This question was staring right in my face. This is the test, this is a fucking test. So this is not up to me to spell it out? But why, oh why, I can’t say that straight back to him??? 

I was so anxious, I smoked 2 cigarettes, and I quit smoking 6 months ago. Then I got really hot flashes, stomach ache and wanted to vomit. I wanted to puke my guts out. And I did. 

When You Run Into Your Ex: Fantasy Vs. Reality

They already started dating someone and you didn’t know because you blocked them on Facebook, so you couldn’t Facebook stalk them anymore. They’re “Facebook official.” You’re officially becoming a cat lady

Thought Catalog

Fantasy: You’re “so surprised” to see them at this particular location! You “totally forgot” that they also knew this particular friend! Isn’t the world so small?!

Reality: You’ve been dreading/secretly prepping for this moment all week, as if you were getting ready to go on a date. “Isn’t it terrible about Chechnya?” you asked yourself in the mirror, while trying on seventeen different outfits. You kind of hoped you would be hit by a car on the way to said event.

Fantasy: The moment they see you, they will instantly confess that they are still in love with you and can’t live without you. You will roll your eyes and say, “No! No! Don’t speak!” as you assert how fine and evolved both of you are. It’s better this way, you’ll swear. You’ve grown. You’re different people now. You converted to being a Breaking Bad person, and you just don’t…

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The OkCupid Inbox Of Every 20-Something Male

#truestory

Thought Catalog

One thing the internet has taught me is that girls on OkCupid are bombarded with the worst kinds of messages known to exist. Horrible, horrible messages from men on the internet — the consequence of a place where any anonymous stranger (who knows you’re single) can happen upon your profile and send you a message. Any terrible message they want. And every girl I know with an OkCupid account can certainly show and tell of an inbox full of sexual advances, of being objectified, weird fetish inquiries (seriously, who are these people and do these kinds of messages work? Even sometimes? And if not, why do they keep sending them?), talk of how hot they are, if they’re willing to have sex on the first date… the list goes on.

But what does a guy’s OkCupid inbox look like?…

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Blind Leading the Blind

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Blind Leading the Blind

1. I know you feel vulnerable because you were naked with a guy last night. but before you fall into the (typically) female trap of needing him to love you and feeling gutted and so low while you stare at your phone hoping to god he texts so you feel like it mattered and that maybe he cares; before you begin to spiral and feel like you are nothing/like you’re sinking into a black hole due to metaphorically handing over all your power to him… remember who you are. remember that you’re smart and cool and driven and talented and good at something and have friends and have at least one cool family member maybe, i hope. remember that you chose to have sex too. that you were 50% of the decision-making process. remember that you aren’t even sure what you want from him, and that you might not even want him as a boyfriend and that maybe you actually had fun while you were with him and that it’s ok if that’s all it ends up being; that there’s no reason to feel shame: shame you would never think he should feel; but shame that you reserve for you because you’re the girl and you feel like you have to play that cliché role of guilt/shame/regret/’what does it all mean?’/i was used/i’ve been abandoned now. think about all these things before your ego begins to feel bruised in the minutes after he leaves your apartment and you wonder if or when he’ll text/call; before you unnecessarily struggle with thoughts like he might not be unsure about you or he may not want to be your boyfriend or he might never want to see you again now that he’s got what he wanted/all that he can get sexually. to alleviate unnecessary pain/over thinking and calm yourself, accept that sometimes it’s ok to have a nice time with someone; with no expectations and not giving all your power away. and if this is impossible for you, you should have left the club/bar/show/party alone. we take risks when we interact with people. it’s a risk if you get sexual too soon and it’s a risk even after you’ve waited a bit. and there comes a lot of unnecessary emotional stress that goes along with it. so do yourself a favor and make the conscious effort not to stress and let whatever the aftermath will be, just happen. you could get the call or not get his call without all the stress in the between time. it’s so much nicer without the stress.

The Ex-Factor

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Do you check your ex’s facebook/twitter/instragram every now and then? I know, I do.

I don’t know why, but from time to time I click on my past flings facebook pages just to see what they are up to. But then, right away, I always regret it. I don’t know why I do it, but it’s kinda thrilling, exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. A new hair cut, a concert he went to, and a new profile picture with a new girlfriend…ouch. They look happy together too. Things were never that great between us, fuck, we were never even in a relationship to begin with (except in my head). I wish him well, really.

I hope he also clicks on my facebook from time to time to see how fabulous my single life is.

Thought Catalog

What You Do When You Realize Your Ex Might Be Dating (Not That I Know From Experience)

He’s your fresh ex-fiance. Together one and a half years and two months out-of-relationship. It ended badly, he dumped you. So actually, I guess it ended badly specifically for you.

You’ve blocked him from every social media outlet except Instagram. He was never a big Instagrammer, he has like eight photos and most of them you uploaded. Two months later they still stand. (Yeah, you checked, let thou who hath not creeped on their own ex throw the first stone).

It’s a slow day at work, you check your “Follow” feed showing what the people you follow are commenting. See him comment fondly on some Asian rock climber chick’s photo. She replies that she “misses his face *wink*.”

Freak out. Miss his face freaking *WINK*?!? Are they touching faces? They most certainly must be touching faces if there is a wink.

Text everyone you’ve ever known. Tell them oh my…

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What Would Jesus Do?

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I never thought it would come to this, but I am finally confronted with considering religion in dating. It was NEVER a factor for me, because I would never date anyone that is religious, period.

The other day, I went out with this tall, dark and handsome guy who charmed me with his smile and personality. Here I was giggling like a little girl and imagining our future together. Yes, I cook and you clean and vice versa. Yes, we can stay in and watch TV. Yes, I belive in more traditional gender roles in a relationship. Yes, yes, and yes! As I was day dreaming and imagining our kids together, suddenly he started talking about Jesus. SAY WHAT? As he kept talking about his new found faith with a big smile and adorable enthusiasm, my dreams of us together started to fade away. And then I started feeling guitly as well, because I didn’t want to insult his faith with one my awesome sarcatic faithless oneliners. So I stayed and listened.

The next day he texted me to see me again. I agreed. What would Jesus do?

Easter Bunny Loves You

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The only things that could spoil a really good date is a picture message at 2:20 am couple of days later. 

How many times do we meet someone on a first date and our heart races with that well known feeling of excitement and anxiety? We all think the same: is he gonna be cute? What if I don’t like him? But his txts were so nice! Ok, one drink and I’ll leave.

I went into this date with zero expectations and no pressure. He was cool and fun, just as I suspected. The conversation was flowing really easily and we chatted and laughed away without even realizing where did the time go. The entire time I was listening and talking while imagining the future with that guy. Yeah, we all do it. Can I overlook his huge beard? What’s behind that red beard anyways? He walked me to my car and gave me a hug. How nice, I thought and went back home with a smile on my face. Yeah, that was a really good date. And then couple of days later at 2:20 am, the boodie call time, I hear my phone buzzing. I open it and there is a photo! At first, I can’t clearly see as it’s dark and I freak out, but then I realize it’s something a little bit phallic. It looked like it had painted something on it’s top/head. The message said “Easter Bunny Loves You.” I screamed and put the phone away. I was convinced it was a picture of his penis posing as an Easter bunny.

The next morning I realized it was his thumb painted eyes and mouth and paper bunny ears. Some would think it was sweet, some that it was creepy. I guess I will never find out what’s behind that big beard of his.